Stephen Colbert, will you Marry Me?

Dancing to "Funky Town" at 15 till midnight is just about the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Getting that song out of a fish? Even better.

After months of watching your show, I have become addicted. Yes, every single night. I'm hooked, there is no living without "The Colbert Report." I must admit, however, that I first fell for John Stewart's show.

In my social studies III (roman numerals - so fancy!) class in high school, my teacher, who in a pinch could BE John Stewart, would have us watch John Stewart. He would tape it the night before and bring it in the next day. Of course, the clips he would show would be completely relevant to what we were discussing in class that day... Or of Bush being in idiot.

I never used to watch these shows on Comedy Central. I'm a South Park/Lil Bush kinda girl. I would watch bits and pieces of "The Daily Show" every now and then when I was flipping through channels, but it never interested me, even though politics always has.

After my social studies class, I started to watch Stewart. Sometimes record it on my DVR, most of the time, not. I would always change the channel after that. But then, you know how TVs always manage to mess up things somehow? Your show became one with "The Daily Show" in its own little news comedy hour long fun package. Or it could have been me being bad at recording, this was over a year ago.

I started watching "The Colbert Report" quite often as well. It probably wasn't until the writers strike that I started watching EVERY day. I really got to see how great you, Stephen, and John are at improving. I honestly think that the shows became much better and really took off during that time. You guys were wild and could let loose and talk about anything, ANYTHING.

Unfortunately, after the strike, when the writers came back, Stewart's show started to, well, kind of lag.

But yours Stephen, oh wow! It still REALLY soared. Being quite the sarcastic person myself, I have really fallen in love with your asstitude. I am in awe with your over flowing abundance of personality and charisma.

My mother often finds you to be insulting and rude, but she also doesn't know anything about anything. And she talks back to the TV, which I might add is one of the MOST annoying things people can do. Unless they argue with it, because that's just funny. But no, she agrees and says stupid stuff that just irritates the skin off of my body.

Getting back to the point, I know you are married, and I am not wickedly attracted to you physically (no offense, you know you're charming), but holy cow. Being with you must mean never going to bed angry.

Well, I guess that isn't much incentive, because that is already true for the here and now. Watching "The Colbert Report" right before bed, who could be mad?

Maybe my mother.



That was meant to be rhetorical, but oh well, I answered my own don't answer question. You closed the deal for me tonight with this little black fishy (which is now on pause because I felt I HAD to write this RIGHT now with NO time to waste).

Funky Town is just one of those wicked funny songs. Towelie = the best person making fun of it (until tonight) in that one episode of South Park. "That's it. That's the melody to Funky Town."

But he doesn't dance. And he only finds the music through a code thingie, like the telephone tones. You found the music through a fish. A fish! Which apparently had just been discovered to make sounds.

A fish. Jeez, Colbert, you are a genius. My respect for you is forever undying.

What do Britney Spears and George W. have in common?

Well, first of all, they are both idiots, both white trash, and both West Texas girls!

Ha, just kidding, Britney's from Louisiana.


I would like to take a second to admire myself for that joke.
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Okay, now that that's over, let's talk about both of these people.

Seriously, Bush has admitted that he is a "West Texas girl." He's quite special, isn't he? If I were Canadian, I would love him, just for his accidental comedic abilities.

In terms of celebrities, I can't think of anybody more pathetic than Britney Spears. Lindsey Lohan comes close, but somehow, she's been avoiding the media. Maybe she should pass some tips on to Ms. Spears. Things like not not getting divorces, not going to court, not hitting cars and then banging them with doors.

Oh yea, and that cd thing. How's that coming, Britney? I was reading some news about it, how you're lawyer made an excuse for you not showing up for drug testing. She seriously asked the judge if he has to promote a number one selling album. My thoughts: how rude. This is the guy that has control over what her future holds, and her lawyer wants to be pissy with him? Then I found out that she DOESN'T have a number one selling album. It's behind The Eagles.

Seriously? The Eagles? When was the last time anyone ever heard from them? Aren't they old? Like in the realm of U2 and others?

Oh well, as long as someone can prove that not only is Britney an idiot, but her attorney is, too, I'm having a good day.

Let's talk about our Decider for a minute. There is this man from California who is promoting the impeachment of Bush & Cheney by walking to D.C. this winter. How crazy, I hope people get the message. No matter how bad I want them out of office, there is no way I would do exercise to prove it. The article went on to say that this protester hasn't done anything since Vietnam.

Haha. Protester. But he does seem to have priorities in order. Things haven't been so bad since 'Nam.

Does anyone have Britney's album? Is it even any good? I don't want to buy it, that would mean the money would get back to her, and she would have more ability make an ass of herself.

It's okay though Britney. I'm sure Dubya doesn't know what a sombrero is, either.

How can we fund a war when we can't fund a... war?

It doesn't make any sense. Our current administration must have some kind of filter to their brains that doesn't let "logic" in.
The Iraq War (why are we there again?) is underfunded and troops are over stretched. When we can't afford to be in one war, why want to start more conflict?

My social studies teacher told me, in my senior year of high school, that soon enough, they'll want to go to war with Iran. At the time, I thought it was absurd. But the more he brought it up, the less absurd it became.
Remember when we were at war with Afghanistan? And then all of a sudden BAM we're at war with Iraq. They got that one wrong. If they wanted to carry that out quickly, they should of had four times as many soldiers to begin with who would do a sweep of the country.

Why doesn't Bush W learn? From anyone? His own father, flesh of his flesh, blood of his blood, knew that staying in Iraq during that first Persian Gulf War wasn't a good idea. With a country of that magnitude, how do we expect to stay in control?

If you think about "A War on Terror," it's actually an oxymoron. You can't fight to end terror, it just doesn't make sense. Thus, we are the terrorists.
Why does the USA have to get in everybody's business? Hussein was not a direct threat to the US,

but I think Bush just may be...


I know, bold statements, but I tend to be that way. I mean no offense to the American people and DEFINITELY not the soldiers. We learned in Vietnam that the soldiers are not the ones to blame.

If you didn't see those numbers on the link I gave you, you should check it out. I know all this money isn't coming from Bill Gates. It's coming from the overtaxed, underpaid, over deserving working middle class. People like you and me. I saw a commercial for Barack Obama last night, and he seems to get that concept that taxes are all wrongly distributed and whatnot. His phrase, which I liked very much, was something like "the middle class is treading water."
It sounds much more powerful the way he says it.

Anyway, to wrap this thing up: America, give peace a chance.

Obama...Osama?

Ok, so now that I got my first post out of the way, let's talk about real things. Well, at least important things.

Presidential candidates: Has anyone else noticed the similarities between the Middle East and candidate Barack Obama's name? Yea, chew on that for a second. Barack kind of sounds like Iraq, right? If you say it with a different accent, they actually rhyme. Obama is only one letter off from Osama, who, is quite obviously, not someone to be associated with. AND last night I learned his middle name is Hussein. I don't even have to make any leaps to connect that one.
Nevertheless, I was reading up on his positions (doesn't that sound dirty) and he seems like the best guy to be in charge of this country. I mean, if a monkey can do it, why not a guy that seems to make sense?

In my opinion he absolutely creams Hillary Clinton. That could be because I refuse to vote for her, no matter how good her policies may sound. I just don't like her. I don't trust her. I liked Bill, but I hope beyond hope that she doesn't get votes from feminists just because she's a woman. Maybe this term is a time for change, but I don't want her moody greedy hands in the throne that runs the nation. I must admit, however, that ANYBODY (and I mean just about anybody) would do better than the illiterate excuse of a pathetic human being we have benefiting from the welfare of others.
Psfh.


Hooray for Obama! A name certainly doesn't do justice for the person who lives by it (again, look at our current "president.")